I found myself in the Pizza Parlor in the shopping center in Goldens Bridge, NY. I was feeling really anxious, crazy anxious, so almost crazy, like things were happening in my body and I couldn’t stop them. I felt the hands on my neck and an occasional imaginary punch on my back. And my head was starting to shake..
…shake in public.
Man, I had to stop this. I had to.
I ordered 2 large slices of Pizza with Broccoli Rabe and I ate as fast as I could. I felt like I was going to throw up and hyperventilate at the same time. And it wasn’t from the Garlic in the Broccoli Rabe. It was from the People, the People in my Hips.
“Oh hell, I was coming undone. The pizza wasn’t working, it wasn’t grounding me, it wasn’t helping me. Oh God please what is going on?”
I went just outside the pizza parlor and I frantically called my friend Joanna seeking her help.
“Hi Joanna! Um, uh something is happening to me. Something crazy. Something I can’t explain. I think…… I need some help.”
“It’s OK. What is happening?” She spoke softly from her end of the line.
“Something is happening to me, I don’t know. I have People. People in my Hips. It is a long story.”
“I don’t understand what you mean, but I am here to help if you need me.”
“No, no, I am fine. I just need someone, a therapist, or a witch doctor or something to help. You know people.”
“Yes, I do. Let me get the number of my therapist. She does bodywork and more. Hold on, I am here for you.” She got off the phone.
I started to cry. A couple of teenagers coming out of Baskin Robbins gave me a funny look.
Joanna is one of my oldest friends and a wealth of information when it comes to alternate therapies. She was back on the phone with her therapist’s information.
“Her name is Karen Judge. She works out of her house in the suburbs of New Haven Connecticut. You are going to be OK Ken. You are going to be OK.”
It was dark. I was lying on an old mattress in the basement of a house in the suburbs of New Haven. Karen Judge, a 60 year old hippy bodywork therapist was sitting on the floor by me with her hand on my chest right over over my heart.
My teeth were chattering, my left leg was shaking. My eyes were closed. I could hear her whispering softly:
“Know that you are safe. We are going to go back. Back to a time when all this happened when the little boy inside was safe, safe to play, safe to be alive. Let’s go back. I’m here. It’s safe, Ken, it’s safe.
Suddenly the room started to spin. My left leg started to kick violently. My hands leaped from the mattress.
“Oh Shit! Here we go again!”
I was in my bedroom, I was young, something was happening. My Dad was yelling. Throwing things, threatening. My Dad was being CRAZY! I was so so scared. And I was HURT. Something happened! Something happened! What happened? What the hell happened? What was going on?
Dad, please no…what are you going to do?
My body started to vibrate and jump like someone speaking in tongues at a revival church meeting. I wailed, I wailed, I wailed in pain! I felt like my teeth would break from the intense chattering, and I felt like my head was ready to pop right off my neck.
I felt like I was going… to Die!
No, I don’t want to die, not now, not now please!!
Oh my God, what is happening!!!!
“I think your child needs some help.” Karen whispered. “Can you give your child something to protect him? What can you give him? How can you help him?”
I was so confused and scared. I started a Yoga Teacher Training Program and now I am lying on an old mattress in some New Age hippy therapist’s basement channelling in some lost traumatic event where I was brutally beaten by my late father. And now, this New Age hippy was asking me to GIVE something to my child self to protect him?
THIS IS SO WACKED.
THIS IS SO WACKED!
And I was so scared. A 45 year old man still in fear for his life, 40 years later….
Oh God, no!
...and here’s what I did.
I grew up on Comic books, Batman Superman Green Lantern and the Justice League were my heroes and because of that I believe in truth, justice and all things good. So then and there in my post traumatic wacked out state I decided to give my child self
ALL THE POWERS OF ALL THE SUPERHEROES IN THE WORLD!
I gave him the strength of Superman, the intellect of Batman, the power ring of Green Lantern and the combined powers of the Justice league and I we my child self Baby Ken or whatever the fuck was in me FOUGHT BACK!
AND FOUGHT BACK AND FOUGHT BACK!
TAKE THAT YOU GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!
HOW DARE YOU HURT ME! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!
DO YOU HEAR ME?
GOD DAMN IT! NEVER AGAIN!
When I finished, I lay there totally spent as if I had just had sex with the entire Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading Squad...
There was no more shaking. No more teeth chattering. Something had shifted. My body was grounded.
I paid Karen Judge a hundred bucks and I was on my way, still scared, confused but grounded, very grounded, extremely grounded.
But as I lay in bed that night, I thought to myself.
“What else have I forgotten?”
And I felt an icy shiver in my right hip…..