OK, now we are going to get into some DARK STUFF.
Now I don’t really like DARK STUFF. I would rather not talk about it.
But DARK STUFF is real. We can process away negative emotions, but one can’t process away DARK STUFF.
DARK STUFF is DARK STUFF and that is the be all end of it all.
But we don’t have to give it power.
While Karen Judge was taking me back into my past with her HANDS ON therapy. I learned something.
I don’t really know if it is true, but…it could be.
When the “People in my Hips” started going crazy in me, I filmed as much of the process as was humanly possible. I filmed video journal sessions, Yoga sessions and psychotherapy sessions.
I also filmed my session with Karen Judge. (The Tale #21)
Here is a very brief clip of an event in our session where I remembered something pretty awful. Karen at that point had taken her hands off my heart and had worked down my body to my right lower leg. The major bouncing had ended, but in this clip I connect with a major big time WHOPPER of a bad event.
Please know I digitally blocked out Karen's face for privacy issues. We will talk more right after this clip.
I was told by my parents that when I was very young, my right tibia (lower leg) was deformed, and it had to be broken to be put back into place.
Was that true? Sounds good.
Or did my crazy at the time father BREAK my leg in a fit of unfettered rage?
I will never really know.
What I do know is that NOW, 40 plus years later, I forgive my father for ALL of his atrocities. It doesn’t mean I condone his actions. It means I simply forgive him, and LOVE him forever with all of my being.
Walking back into and looking at my “People in my Hips” journey has been amazing for me. I am seeing the totality of my life and my journey here thus far in a new light. So many of us are trapped by, crazy angry about, and just plain programmed by our fucked up pasts, so much so that we are unable to show up in the present as who WE REALLY ARE.
The past is over. It is no one’s fault. We can’t change it. It’s done.
But today, now, we have the power and awareness to change ourselves, and in that transformation of self, we have the ability to literally change the world and our future.
Let’s go for it!