It started that morning. In Bodyshaping class. I could feel really sad feelings emanating from my left hip. I was really scared, unnerved, distracted in class, unfocused, but I did my best to stay grounded.
“Focus on teaching, Ken. Focus on how you can help your students workout better. Don’t focus on you. Focus on teaching.”
It was so weird. I could a tightness in my neck, squeezing and then it was gone. At times it felt like the top half of my body was teaching class, while my lower body was weeping. A bizarre battle between my head and my emotions.
And my neck was so tight….
At the end of the class as we were stretching, my head suddenly twitched side to side. I stopped it. No one noticed or said anything.
“Oh please not here!”
I was feeling so sad, almost sickly sad as I stretched and smiled and pretended.
“What the hell is going on? Please not now, not here…”
After class, I had two private clients.
“Oy, how am I going to do this?”
I pretended. I smiled. I motivated. I held it in.
“Oh please no not now do you hear me? NOT NOW PLEASE!!
On my way home that afternoon, I knew I had to do something. This was crazy. The feelings emanating from my hips were getting stronger and stronger. Something was coming out. Something bad. Someone or something was trying to communicate with me… or hurt me.
I knew who it was…but I didn’t.
“Something is happening. I am coming apart!”
As I drove up 684 to my little cabin in the woods, I knew it was time. Time to figure this out. Have it out if needs be.
There was some/one/thing in my hips, trying to talk to me, tell me things or maybe just hurt me.
I got home, pulled out my video camera, sat in my big old easy chair, turned on the camera, and proceeded to have a ONE ON ONE CONVERSATION with my left hip….
What the hell was I thinking?