All roads converge at Starbucks, and to healing, even if it is 40 years later.
I was originally going to go to the bigger Starbucks in Marmaroneck for I had a hole in my schedule and I could do some work on my laptop but I decided on a whim to go to the little and nearer Starbucks in Rye Brook to save some time.
As I was parking, I saw her. My sister Margie getting out of her Honda Civic. Bizarre. Whenever I met her it was always at the Starbucks in Rye. She was here unexpectedly, and so was I. This was not an accident. It was time to learn more.
“Ken, I have more for you. I remembered more in therapy. Do you want to hear?”
“Yes, I do. I really do.”
My younger sister Margie was my WATCHER. During our conversation here at Starbucks in Rye Ridge, NY, 15 minutes ago, she gave me permission to reveal her identity.
“So I have remembered more. I knew there was a piece missing. There was one place where I would get nauseous whenever I would relive it in therapy. How could I know he had squinty eyes if I was so far away when I saw him beating you? That was the question that was driving me crazy.”
Since our meeting in the park when she first revealed to me that she was witness to my beating with an aluminum baseball bat by THE DARK MAN, she has been obsessed about remembering and actually traveled up to our old home in Yorktown where all this took place so many years ago. In the process of retracing her steps, she actually ran into the grandson of THE DARK MAN and had a conversation with him! What happened to her 40 years ago for the most part was very very real now, with just few holes in her consciousness.
“After I saw him beating you and he saw me, I ran. I didn’t know what to do. And then I was grabbed by someone. I turned. It was his wife! “Your brother has been a bad boy, a very bad boy. You can’t tell anyone, you will get hurt if you do.” She screamed. I pulled away and ran. I was at the curb now, and my shoe got stuck in the sewer drain there, and fell off and I ran away without it. I ran up the block. I didn’t know what to do. Now here is the part, that has been dark, where I would always get nauseous, every time we would do the therapy, I would get nauseous. But I remember now, not totally, but I remember now.”
And then she told me how THE DARK MAN, when he saw her must have run up behind our house and cut her off, and then confronted her.
“He was like an animal, he was so mad, like an animal, and that is when I saw his squinty eyes. That is when I saw them, those eyes, those squinty eyes, that is when I saw them.”
He then must have shoved her down on to the ground, telling her not to tell anyone. (I must have been unconscious while this was going on.) Then somehow, she doesn’t remember yet, she was able to get away and run, and then with only one shoe, she ran up the block, across backyards and then down a cul de sac where she hid in the bushes in fear. About a half hour later, she slowly walked back frightened out of her mind to see if I was ok. From down the block, she saw me slowly walking up the lawn from the DARK MAN’s house to our house. I was alive. She then followed me up, and went in the back door to our house and curled up in a ball on the couch, never talking to me about it, or at least that is the case in her memory now.
Walking up to the house is one memory that kept reoccurring in me during my People in my Hips journey. Walking up to the house thinking “ I can’t tell anyone about this. HE WILL KILL ME IF I DO. I HAVE TO KEEP IT A SECRET or I will die.”
That is when my unconscious mind made the choice to make me forget.
I am sitting here in Starbucks weeping…
40 years later. How many times has my unconscious mind caused me to forget in 40 years?
How much of my reality and self image are real, or has my mind been picking and choosing to erase events so that I can function and feel good about myself?
That is a crazy ass question. I am not going there. Not today.
Margie had to run to work, but before that I had her plot out the path she ran on a make shift map I drew with a Red Sharpie on a Starbucks napkin.
“This was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced.” She said softly.
We are connected now. Profoundly connected. Her story brings validity and truth to mine, and mine to hers.
Even her therapist, who viewed this site and all the videos, said that it seemed like both of us were telling the SAME story, that was somehow lost in our unconscious minds.
When Margie was in Yorktown, retracing her steps, when she talked with the GRANDSON of THE DARK MAN, she discovered that THE DARK MAN divorced his first wife, and remarried. The woman who grabbed her to protect her CRAZY HUSBAND, was not the woman who was widowed when the DARK MAN died in the car accident in 2006. His first wife, THE DARK WOMAN, was still alive. She was 76 and she still lived in Yorktown.
“ I think we should go and talk with her.” I said tentatively.
“I don’t know.”
“ I think we should.”
“Let’s talk. I gotta run.”
We hugged, a long silent hug.
I am sitting here wondering what I should do. Part of me loves the idea of talking with this woman for it could be an amazing closure and completion of this story, but part of me is frightened, the child part of me, the part of me that split off and became Baby Ken living in my hips.
I can’t go back there. I won’t. I never want to ever be in that place again. That place where I battled the DEMONS inside.
But I want to know more.
I will keep you posted.