Insight # 10 - What evil lurks in the hips of Men?
On January 29, 2010 my hip blew out. But it wasn't from the People in my Hips. I overstretched my legs and then unexpectedly had to run out into the cold for an emergency at my theatre on 42nd St. The next morning I awoke with nerve pain. By 6 pm that night, I couldn't walk.
My sciatica tale is documented on these pages (Search by date and you will find my daily story) until I was able to get back to work after three weeks basically in Bed and then receiving a steroid injection in my spine.
Getting back to work has been a challenge for my sciatica is still lingering. Yes, now 8 weeks later, I can do most anything, except for run, or bike or stretch deeply like I used to, but I can function. I now talk through my spin classes, and I have adapted my other classes to my injury. I still have slight nerve pain, and my hip is still LOCKED UP, not so I can't function, just so that I don't work correctly.
I started Physical therapy this week, and the physical therapist I went to is well qualified, and personable, but honestly, does she have a clue as to what went on in my HIPS 4 years ago? I mentioned my PEEPS tale, and I could tell she didn't understand. I even referred her to these pages, and I could see in her eyes, she would never visit here.
I was given a prescription for therapy. I was shown certain exercises that I was very familiar with, which I did, and then, I was given a xerox of my exercises that everyone with sciatica is given at this facility. But why hasn't this prescription unlocked my hip yet? What if what is going on with me is different? Come on now, I had PEOPLE IN MY HIPS.
As the therapist was massaging into my hip area, I started to feel a little bit of the old trauma emotion. Now this doesn't mean the People in my Hips are coming back. It just means that there is a little trauma energy there. My injury is on my right side, the side I housed THE DARK MAN, the mack daddy evil piece of dung who hurt me when I was very young. He's gone now, but there is still trauma there, hidden under the fascia and the muscles or in the fascia and the muscles, and maybe just maybe that little piece of trauma energy is what is keeping my hip locked up.
Maybe it is locked up in fear. Not initially, for I was legitimately injured, but the fear of losing income, fear of losing my physicality and fear of The Peeps returning, maybe that is the fear, that is FREEZING my hip now.
Or maybe it is THE PEEPS.
Maybe physical therapy is not working for I am working solely on the physical plain.
Maybe I need to climb in now. And FEEL IT.
Traditional thought says that there are two options when faced with DANGER: Fight or Flight.
But there is another option, which is never talked about which probably gets more mileage than the others.
That option is: TO FREEZE.
What do you do when you can't run, when you can't fight? YOU FREEZE.
When someone is faster, stronger and god damned fucking evil, what do you do? YOU FREEZE. Like a deer in the headlights of a Mack Truck. Maybe this isn't happening. If I don't move it won't happen. Oh please God no!
Maybe I am not injured. Maybe my universe is not crumbling around me. Don't move. Don't move, Ken and it will go away. ----------------- Is that what is working on me?... or is it the OLD STUFF?
Maybe my hip is FROZEN in fear...
So it looks like my sciatica journey links up. I could be wrong, but my gut tells me there is an emotional component here. I don't know what it is but it is time to find out.
If I need to revisit THE PEEPS so that I can have my body back, you bet I will, without a second thought.
..Well, maybe a second thought...
I will keep you posted.